Babbling

Life sure does go by much more quickly than it ever did when I was younger. I remember being fifteen, and sixteen couldn't get here fast enough. High school and college seemed to drag by while I was in it, but now that it's passed, it seems like it flashed by.

My pregnancy took forever. I never really enjoyed being pregnant. I have to admit, I did enjoy the attention. I never got as much attention as I did when I was pregnant. The only enjoyment I got out of being pregnant was being able to eat whatever I wanted to and get away with it. However, I look back on that "privilege" now and wish I hadn't taken advantage of it.

Now that Raegan is here, life goes by even more quickly; yet, I still find myself wishing it by. Do all mothers do that? I don't wish my daughter's life by... it's more like I keep anticipating the next phase. First it was smiling, then laughing, then rolling over, etc... When they're infants, we want them to walk, but when they start walking, we wish they'd slow down. I need to take more time daily to just reflect on today and enjoy the moment and phase she's in right NOW.

Teaching has really made time go by. As a first year teacher, I have been faced with many obstacles that other teachers deal with without a second thought. I've had multiple students suspended because of an office referral that I have written. I even had one student recommended to therapy! Sometimes I think I'm too compassionate for this job. I care too much about the future of each of my students. Is that possible? On one hand, what the students need is someone to genuinely care. On the other hand, I bring work home with me because of that empathy. I allow my nerves to get on edge. I lose patience. All because I want them to succeed. I know that not all of them with grasp their potential. They'll end up flipping burgers at McDonalds because they weren't shown or told enough that they're special and that they CAN achieve the unachievable. I look at my job as an opportunity to help students understand their potential and do their best to reach it, not just to teach them how to capitalize properly or write more eloquently. My job is more about life skills, morals, and values than it is reading and writing.

Being an example... that's what I have to be to both my daughter and my students. I feel like a terrible example. My students love me because I'm young and listen to the same music they do. What am I an example of? I honestly can't answer that. What do I want to be an example of? Success. Passion. Compassion. Most of all, the love of God. During a test yesterday, I had one of my more successful students ask if I could give easy tests like the one he was taking. "Ummm... no," I replied. To which my student said, "What Would Jesus Do?" I laughed it off, as this was in the middle of the test, and I did not want to distract my students from the test; however, after we'd graded and turned in the tests, I gave my reply to the student by saying "You know what the Bible says?" He, of course, replied, "What?" To which I answered, "God will never give you anything you can't handle." He looked at me, I think somewhat baffled by my response, and then he added, "I can handle tests like THIS," meaning that the other tests were harder and they were harder to study for. I thought about it for a moment and replied, "It also says that you should do EVERYTHING as if you are doing it for God." I had another student state, "Even homework." This is the reason I teach. This isn't the first time students have brought up God in my classroom, and I am blessed to work at a school where God is not shut out of the class. I will NEVER shut God out.

What kind of example am I to my daughter? We don't go to church regularly, though we should. My excuses for not going are pathetic. Joey, of course, can't go with us because he works every Sunday. I think being a Christian is supposed to be comfortable. The exact opposite, it should be uncomfortable. I don't go to church because I don't know anyone... That's the main reason I don't go often. I have yet to find a church where I am happy, but my happiness is dependent on the people there. Shouldn't it be on whether GOD is there? Can I worship there? I want my daughter to grow up in church. I want her to know who Jesus is. My parents recently started visiting a church. I've gone a few times, and I have really gotten sucked into the sermons for the first time in years. Sad, I know. I plan to keep visiting. I really want my daughter to be a Godly young lady and woman. The main example she has of this is me, and I'm not anywhere close to where I should be. I don't read my Bible. I don't pray as often as I should. I don't give God the time he deserves. How can I expect her to have a relationship with Christ if my relationship is completely lacking?

New Years: I have a lot of resolutions. Is it even good to make "resolutions"? All it is, is a goal or an opportunity isn't it? Well, my goals are, as I stated above, to be a better mother to my daughter, to continue to be a good wife, to re-ignite my relationship with God, to find a home Church and get involved, to continue to be the best teacher I can be, to move within the year, to lose the rest of my unwanted "privilege" fat, and to spend as much time with my family as I possibly can.

That's my babbling for now. Hope you enjoyed!!